Works In Progress

Who's to say what will happen?

Sun, 11 Jan 2009 00:30:37 GMT

Smoke and haze, smoke and haze
Everything is one more pipe dream
Illusions of the ideal
Visions of visions
Pleasant nightmares haunting me long after I wake up

Why can’t anything be real?
I’m tired of slashing through shadows
Nothing holds up
It all falls away in an instant
A pinpricked water balloon
Suspended in the air
Watching your reflection hit the ground in every droplet

This is the price we pay for fantasy
For wishing on stray lashes
We dream and disconnect

This is for you

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 04:11:34 GMT

Thank you for finding me again
for inspiring me anew.
You were stressed, but transformed
your many faces shining, sparkling
like rain
Despite your newly formed exterior, I can still see your soft youth
your excitement at life’s simple pleasures
An ocean view
Smooth smoke
Melody
And the look of words on the page and their sound in your ear
It’s been years since you took me to that place and now, thousands of miles away
I am there again
The trees and birds may be gone
But the view is the same
And though it may be foggy
Clouds rolling
down over water
up over hills
I can still see you clearly
Thank you, friend
Thank you, muse

It's a start

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 05:37:21 GMT

Give in to it.
Let it surround you.
Feel your hair prick up as it
flows around you.
Let it become you.
Hear its pulse.
Ba-dump
Ba-dump
Ba-dump
Ba-dump
It is your pulse.
Let it merge with you.
Replace your plasma with quarter notes
your platelets eighths and sixteenths.
Feel yourself rising.
your feet lifting
Let your eyes lie to you
you don’t need to see.
The sounds are enough.
Close your eyes and feel her
floating with you.
Let it beat your eardrums down.
You don’t need them.
Listen with your body.

Two years later, it starts again.

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 05:28:43 GMT

What is to follow is a collection of works in progress, an all too self-indulgent extension of my need to create.

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 08:19:53 GMT

new Explosions in the Sky
going home on friday
+ being done with work
a very happy zack

Sun, 26 Nov 2006 18:27:24 GMT

He sits in the room alone. It's way too big now. What comfortably housed many seems daunting, that much more space to be left empty, taunting and teasing him. Scattered remains of better times litter the floor like wounded soldiers on the battlefield, every one of them evoking memories of livelier events. The bed in the corner, with all its crumpled sheets, empty again, devoid of the passion it once held. Unlike the room, it had been much too small to fit another within its confines, but he stirs at night, reaching out and feeling the lack of a figure curled up next to him, the lack of the figure's warmth spreading to and through his body like a perfume, intoxicating his sense of touch. Looking out the window he expects to see that familiar blue stretch on into its familiar forever, but instead sees only the enveloping clouds. Their dirty white is the perfect shade to match the dirty white of his walls, and it merely creates an extension of his prison, and rather than seeing that little blue bit of hope on the outside of his emptiness, there is only more space to fill.

This is why I love my brother

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 21:26:12 GMT

[23:48:17] DwnThRabbitHole: yo diggity
[23:48:25] crazycmnky: what it do
[23:49:27] DwnThRabbitHole: just popped some purpills and now we goin' hella dumby ghostridin the yellow bus now
[23:49:38] crazycmnky: word?
[23:49:46] DwnThRabbitHole: yadidimean?
[23:49:50] crazycmnky: go dumb ride da yellowbus?
[23:50:00] crazycmnky: i got some new rap
[23:50:08] crazycmnky: it's off tha chain yaherd
[23:50:24] DwnThRabbitHole: who it be?
[23:50:47] crazycmnky: jibbs, the pack, and other assorted black people
[23:50:59] DwnThRabbitHole: i don't know them
[23:51:02] DwnThRabbitHole: wait, the pack?
[23:51:09] DwnThRabbitHole: like, original hyphy shit?
[23:51:17] crazycmnky: word, b-town
[23:51:25] crazycmnky: berkeley high
[23:51:30] DwnThRabbitHole: sik wit it
[23:52:16] DwnThRabbitHole: you heard the federation?
[23:52:23] crazycmnky: word
[23:52:26] crazycmnky: i got that too
[23:52:31] crazycmnky: stunna glasses at night
[23:53:00] DwnThRabbitHole: which album is that on?
[23:53:04] crazycmnky: i got some macdrizzle too
[23:53:11] crazycmnky: i don't know what album
[23:54:02] DwnThRabbitHole: all i have is federation: the album
[23:54:18] crazycmnky: ill send it to you
[23:54:51] DwnThRabbitHole: it's got hyphy and go dumb on it
[23:55:05] crazycmnky: hold up

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 18:50:53 GMT

Will someone please come visit me?

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 13:21:01 GMT

Goodbye.

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 09:00:58 GMT

I hope so much that I'm strong enough. I want to be so badly.

Silly Carlos...

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 23:34:21 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8VlRjq6jaA

So this is the end...

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 16:48:09 GMT

Finally, the time has come. The time to leave this place, and while I'm quite sad about all of the people who will no longer be a constant part of my life, I couldn't be happier to finally be getting out of Miramonte and Orinda. 15 years is long enough. Goodbye.

So many memories gone...

Sun, 14 May 2006 21:33:04 GMT

So, about a month ago, I ran out of room on my hard drive. I decided to export a bunch of materials onto DVDs. On one of these DVDs were all of my pictures. About 2 gigs of pictures. And now I can't find it. I'm extremely upset. So I guess what I'm getting at is, does anybody have any pictures of me they can share for my memory board?

EDIT: Hooray! My DVD has been found, much to my relief. Pictures are still welcome, as I am a huge attention whore as you all know.

Tue, 09 May 2006 19:55:20 GMT

I got into Sarah Lawrence off of the wait list today. I'm really happy about it, but I have no idea what to do.

I've got sunshine on a cloudy day

Wed, 12 Apr 2006 02:05:15 GMT

Today was a really good day. I just felt that needed to be said.

Wed, 05 Apr 2006 05:09:22 GMT

Today we rented a car and went off to visit Sarah Lawrence and Bard. I was coping with not going there pretty well; I know I would be perfectly happy at UC Santa Cruz, but both of these schools are amazing. The Sarah Lawrence curriculum is phenomenal, and works a lot like how WISE does. In terms of the campus, it's quite nice; small, about the size of Campo, but kinda cozy. Bard on the other hand, is huge. Some 600 acres owned by the school, in addition to an incredible amount of classes in various fields of study, just about all of which I love. I guess all I can do now is wait. Sarah Lawrence said they had about 600 kids on the waitlist, which is probably the amount they admit, considering there's about 350 students in each class. Bard has about 400 on their waitlist, twice as many as last year's, from which they took about 20. The odds do not appear to be in my favor. Anyways, I get home tomorrow, albeit around 11 at night. I'm gonna have to get out somewhere, although my dad insists otherwise, but quite frankly, I don't think I can deal with being in close proximity with him any longer. On a happier note, on the way back to Manhattan from Bard, we stopped at the Culinary Institute of America for dinner. It was one of the best meals I have ever had, and everybody working there, who were all students enrolled at the school, was incredibly friendly. I guess I'll have some pictures up later, as I'm feeling rather lazy and don't feel like choosing which ones to upload, or photoshopping those that need tweaking. So yeah. Finally, I am coming home.

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 04:04:45 GMT

Being away from home is not healthy for me. And my dad is being an asshole. I am so ready to be back home.

On another note, we went to a restaurant today, and it was possibly the most jewish establishment I have ever seen. Some quotes from my dad:
(Commenting on the large amount of jewish patrons) "You know what's great about being in places like this? You know no one is out to get you."

"Do you remember Jared when he was blond? I mean, he was really blond, like nazi blond."

My dad is a fucking lunatic, by the way.

Sat, 01 Apr 2006 03:10:36 GMT

Oh man. Elliott Smith's self-titled on vinyl. I win. Thank you Bleecker Street Records.

A new relationship is about to blossom. You will be blessed.

Wed, 29 Mar 2006 06:08:52 GMT

Well, I leave for New York tomorrow morning. My flight leaves at eight, meaning I have to get up somewhere around five. Hella lame. I'll miss you all. Hopefully I'll have wireless internet in the hotel room. I'll have my cell phone with me, but I doubt I'll be able to use it. My god, a week without any contact from home. I don't know if I'm gonna make it.

And don't bitch about college.

iTunes memez0rz

Tue, 14 Mar 2006 05:57:59 GMT

Put your music library on shuffle and answer the questions with songs in the order they come up. it doesn't really make sense at times, but some answers you come up with will freak you out.

1. What's my mood like right now?
Whiskey

2. How's tomorrow going to be for me?
Absence Of God

3. What kind of person am I?
Communication Drive-In

4. Am I loved?
A Devil Among The Tailors

5. How can I achieve my highest potential?
Marooned

6. What should I do with my life?
Labyrinth

7. Is everything really going to be alright in the end?
Boots Of Spanish Leather

8. What is my best quality?
Ambulance

9. How does my sex life look?
Flint (For The Unemployed And Underpaid )

10. What's the meaning of life?
Caribou

11. What do people think of me?
The Legionnaire's Lament

12. Would I make a good catch?
Little Kids

13. How crazy am I?
In The Lost And Found (Honky Bach)

14. Will I have a good life in general?
Prison Province

15. Can (insert name here) ever really love me?
Capital Kind Of Strain

16. Can (insert name here) and I ever be more than friends?
Uncontrollable Urge

17. What's going to happen to me this week?
Per Second Second

18. Where will I be a year from now?
Circlewave

19. What is my biggest wish?
Come Back

20. What is the love of my life doing at this very moment?
Stupidity Tries

21. How will I die?
Over The Bend

22. What will happen after I die?
When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Get Karazzee

23. How do my friends feel about me?
A Method

Fri, 03 Mar 2006 06:52:13 GMT

I'm stuck in my fantasy world again. That place where I can dream all day, think up endless possibilities to all the scenarios that could ever possibly play out in my life. I can make all the leaps of faith I want - none of it matters, I can always start over in my head. But not in real life. Not in the real world, not outside of my mind. I somehow manage to take a realist viewpoint on issues while staying a dreamer forever. None of my dreams make it very far. I kill them with logic. Mercilessly stepped on when they've just popped their tiny little heads out of their shells. And then I write about it. In my stories, things happen the way I want. I get to play God, everything goes how I feel it should. And I trap myself further down in my mind. I need an escape.

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 00:05:06 GMT

This weekend was amazing. Kick it off with the pasta feed at Benjie's, where much chaos ensued. Which is pretty much a given whenever our frisbee team gets together anywhere. Then it was off to Kelsey's, where there was much more commotion, in addition to mario party ass-kickery. Saturday morning was a bitch. Waking up before 6 is never a fun idea. But we got to our frisbee tournament at 8 and we were ready to go play our first game at 9:30. It was a loooooooong day, four games in about 7 hours, you can check our standings here, if you care that much. After Paul got us lost on our way to the high school, we were informed that Asteroid B-612 (vote for them here) would be playing at 7:30, not 8:30. So we high-tailed it out of Castro Valley, made it back to Orinda, dropped kids off at Safeway, picked up Cassie, and made it to Red House in approximately 45 minutes. In a fucking fully loaded minivan. I was on some sort of adrenaline rush all through their set, but as soon as it ended, I totally crashed. I also discovered I was sunburned. And looked like a crack addict. Dropped more kids off then went with Paul to hang at Cailin's where I spent about 3 hours in a complete daze. Sunday our game wasn't until 10:30, so I actually got some sleep, which was nice. My favorite moment was throwing the game-winning long pass and looking up and seeing my parents there, standing in the rain under an umbrella. I wanted to cry. We ended up winning both of our games that day, and finished 9th out of 16 (we were seeded 15), which was really kick-ass considering we're a first-year team. The team went out to lunch, which was interesting as usual. I finally got home and just crashed, and I'm still feeling it today. So worn out. Oh yeah. I got into Tulane today. Go me.

Fri, 24 Feb 2006 06:21:16 GMT

Today was a great day, for the following reasons:
School required a very minimal amount of thought
I once again got to drive my dad's Mercedes
I got to drive my mom's Mercedes
Chill frisbee throwing sesh
Boba with Matt, Liz, and Lindsay
Hanging out with and bestowing the great gift of music to Lindsay
Excellent dinner
Sarah Lawrence offers a course dedicated solely to the study of Hitchcock and Godard
Sarah Lawrence offers multiple courses on how to learn to make electronica
Going out to coffee with Kayleigh
The Proust Screenplay arrived today!
Questionable Content!
And now a shower

i had a sincerely good day where nothing bad happened

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 00:01:43 GMT

Yesterday could possibly have been the greatest day of my life. I really didn't have to do anything at school, and the time I did spend there was concentrated on working on frisbee stuff. I decorated jerseys for about 3 periods. It was excellent. After scrambling madly to get to Laguna Park on time for our first ultimate game against Acalanes I was totally excited to just do everything. Like, huge adrenaline rush that lasted for the rest of the day. I was in total 13-year-old fangirl mode for about 7 hours. We ended up beating Acalanes 15-10, which was especially sweet since Paij was on the other team, and everybody else thought he was a total douche, which gave me some very nice closure after about 6 months. I am justified in hating this boy now. He is a douche on multiple levels, and it is no longer my personal vendetta. Anyways, after frisbee, it was time for the Elected and Stars show, but not before a quick stop at the BK Lounge for Danny. It was absolutely amazing. The Elected, who I didn't really like that much before, put on an awesome show. Stars completely blew me away, and despite the fact that they took out some of my favorite parts of certain songs, they still kicked a lot of ass. I mean, a hour and 45 minute set? Fuck yeah. I also met some cool kids, Lizzie and Jason, who Jeremy and Erin had met previously at the Death Cab/Stars show. They were some very cool kids. Basically, my day kicked ass, and I am still in an incredibly good mood. Yay for not being emo!

my dad is cooler than i thought

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 05:46:20 GMT

ok, so 8 1/2, seven samurai, jules et jim, and amarcord arrived in the mail today. and rashomon is on the way. all i need now is some bunuel and i'm set. kick ass. this may turn out to be a better week than i thought.

oh, and nicole wanted some dane cook. unzip it and take a ride on the dane train. (long dl time, yousendit is being rather whorish)